


The Only Water In The Forest Is The River

by How_Unusual



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marriage, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Secret Identity, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-05-14 22:10:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19282189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/How_Unusual/pseuds/How_Unusual
Summary: River had been trained and conditioned since she was a baby to kill the Doctor. She may have gotten older and overcome that with the help of her spouse and parents, but some things just don’t go away.[Please read the note inside, thank you.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story is going to be quite dark and there will definitely be descriptions of rape/ non-con in it. So, please do not read this if it may trigger you.
> 
> Thank you.

 

The Doctor blinked open her heavy eyes then screwed them tight again. She felt tired and disorientated. From what she could gather from the two seconds she had her eyes open, the room she was in was dark. It was cold too, she realised when a chill assaulted her face.

Shivering, the Doctor opened her eyes again and looked around, her sight slowly adjusting to the dimness of the square room.

Taking everything in, the Doctor absently started tugging on the tight rope that bound her wrists behind her on the wooden chair. Said chair didn’t seem to want to budge from the floor it was on, nor did the rope want to loosen in any way.

Sighing, the Doctor gave up for the moment. She would just have to wait for whoever had captured her to show their face so she could escape and find her friends.

Her friends!

She knew she had been forgetting something. As far as she could remember, her friends had been with her when they were ambushed. She must have gotten separated from them at some point before either passing out or being knocked unconscious.

With new found purpose, the Doctor yanked on the ropes like her life depended on it (and it certainly looked like it might, the way things were going).

“Are you going to do that all day?” A deep, raspy voice inquired.

The Doctor stopped tugging and looked up, then around the dark room.

“Who are you?” The Doctor demanded instead of answering their question. “And what do you want with me and my friends?”

“That’s none of your concern right now, but I have no business with your friends. My business is with you,” the voice said.

A figure revealed themselves from the shadows. They wore a large black cloak, equipped with a hood that shielded their face from view. The Doctor swore she could just about see the chin of a white mask, though, poking out from underneath the hood. The person also wore a pair of black leather gloves, the tips of their fingers just visible past the long sleeves of their cloak.

“Mysterious,” joked the Doctor, “and what is it you want with me?”

“You’re about to find out,” the person said. They reached inside their sleeve and revealed an object. A suspiciously familiar object that definitely belonged to the Doctor.

“My sonic!” Cried the Doctor in offense. “It’s not polite to take things that aren’t yours, you know.”

“You would know all about that, wouldn’t you?” The person said.

The Doctor frowned in confusion.

“Type-40 TARDIS,” the person supplied helpfully. 

“That’s different,” the Doctor defended herself.

“How?”

For a moment the Doctor was stumped and she opened and closed her mouth for a few seconds.

“I borrowed her, I was always going to return her,” the Doctor eventually said.

“Yet you still haven’t.”

“Just shut up and get on with whatever you intend on doing,” snapped the Doctor then she sighed.

She hadn’t meant to lose her temper, even with her captor. She just hated the situation she was in. She had no control, she was tied up and her captor had her sonic screwdriver. At the moment she could see no way of escaping which meant she couldn’t save her friends.

The person in front of her laughed as they twirled the object in their hands, examining it.

“Keep losing your temper like that and something might happen, dear,” they taunted.

“Oh yeah?” The Doctor challenged, trying to take back the control in the room. “Like what?”

Her captor tilted their head and turned around. They placed the Doctor’s sonic on a single table in the corner and turned back around to face her. The Doctor rose her eyebrow in confusion with a little bit of challenge hidden underneath. 

“You’ve gone all quiet, is that supposed to scare me?” The Doctor asked. 

“Is it working?” The person asked, their voice having gotten deeper all of a sudden, perhaps because of the mask, the Doctor guessed. 

“Not really, no,” the Doctor shrugged as best she could with her hands tied behind the chair she was sat on.

An odd laugh escaped her captor and they approached the Doctor slowly. They reached forward and pushed the Doctor’s coat aside, revealing her yellow braces which they went ahead and unclipped. 

“I’m confused, what are you doing?” The Doctor asked with a frown. 

“You’ll see soon enough,” her captor said and the Doctor sat still while they pushed her braces aside. 

The Doctor huffed and looked away for a moment to try and find some exit. There didn’t seem to be bay around and she briefly wondered how this other person got in and out of the room. Perhaps some teleport device? If so, she would need to find that device so she could figure out where she was and escape. 

“Woah! What do you think you’re doing?” The Doctor demanded, trying to shuffle back away from her captor who had been trying to unbutton the Doctor’s trousers. 

“Stop fussing or we’ll have to do this the hard way,” the person growled, pulling the Doctor forward a bit using the hem of her blue trousers.

“I don’t know what planet you’re living on, but we’re not doing this at all!” The Doctor told them with annoyance.

“Sit still and shut up!”

“No, I won’t ‘sit still and shut up’! Get your hands off me!” The Doctor snapped.

The person tightened their hold on the Doctor’s trousers and tore open the button, then unzipped them, all the while the Doctor ordered them to stop what they were doing or there would be consequences and neither of them wanted that.

“Oh, this is getting annoying,” the person decided and the Doctor found she couldn’t disagree. The sooner she was free, the better.

Much to her disappointment, she and her captor hadn’t been having the same train of thought. Her captor pulled a white cloth from inside her robes and scrunched it up as tight as she could, then pulled the Doctor’s mouth open and shoved the cloth inside it. The Doctor made noises of protest as she yanked and pulled on the ropes binding her, trying harder than ever to get free.

“You can’t do this,” the Doctor said behind the cloth, hoping her captor would understand her.

“What was that? Sorry, can’t hear you,” her captor mocked as they tugged down the Doctor’s trousers with substantial effort.

Due to the rope at her ankles, her captor simply left the trousers around the Doctor’s ankles to avoid untying her. Which was a good idea, the Doctor thought, otherwise they might have a fight on their hands.

The sudden realisation that her boxer shorts were on show for this stranger to see made the Doctor’s cheeks colour. She closed her eyes in annoyance and bit down harder on the cloth in her mouth. 

“Boxer shorts? Really?” The person chuckled and the Doctor was surprised to hear no mocking in her voice this time. “I suppose this whole female thing is new for you, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

The Doctor made a questioning noise behind the cloth, wondering how this person knew it was her first time being a woman. Then again, 'know thy enemy', she supposed. 

Now with her trousers gone, the person reached for the Doctor’s boxer shorts, hooking their fingers under the hem giving a tug. The Doctor protested loudly as much as she could without exhausting herself, but it all fell on deaf ears. Her captor ignored her protests and continued what they were doing, pulling her shorts down until they joined her trousers around her ankles.  
Immediately, the Doctor attempted to cross her legs to cover her naked bottom half, entirely against anyone (especially strangers and enemies) seeing her nude. Especially now that she was a woman. It’s funny, she thought, back when she was Ten and Eleven, someone seeing her naked wouldn’t have bothered her quite as much as it did now. She supposed she was less modest back then. Perhaps it was a man thing, she thought. 

“There’s no need for that, dear,” her captor said and the Doctor grunted at the term of endearment. “There’s going to be quite a bit of this in the years to come.”

“What?” The Doctor demanded. Her captor was mad is they thought the Doctor was staying any longer than a few hours at most (escaping would be tough, she’d decided).

Her captor must have actually understood her because they looked up, shadows once again hiding the chin of their mask from view.

“You heard me. But that’s enough of that, let’s get to work,” they said.

Standing up, the person retrieved the Doctor’s sonic from the table and returned to a crouching position in front of her. They turned the sonic on, causing a bit of orange light to illuminate the far corners of the room that hadn’t been visible before.

“Neat little toy, this,” they said, head turned towards the sonic. The Doctor wondered how they could see anything past their hood.  
With one gloved hand, they reached forward towards the Doctor’s crotch and used their thumb to start rubbing at her clit. The Doctor’s eyes widened and she moaned her protests once more, trying to shuffle back away from the contact. As her captor continued to touch the Doctor, gathering a bit wetness that the latter was embarrassed of, they examined the sonic screwdriver and fiddled with the settings.

A noise filled the air and the Doctor furrowed her brows in spite of the situation. The noise sounded near, as if it were in front of her. Her eyes fell on her sonic and she shook her head in shock. She could have sworn it hadn’t been able to do… that before. She swallowed and tried to back away once more, but unfortunately she was as far back as she could go.

Her captor was now using two fingers on her clit and the Doctor bit down hard on the cloth to resist the noises threatening to escape her. Her hands were so tightly clasped behind her, she was sure there would be crescent marks all over her hands when this was over. And it would be over at some point. That, she was positive of.  
“Mm,” her captor said in that deep voice of theirs, “all this for me, Doctor? I’m flattered.”  
They pulled back their hand and eyed the clear liquid coating their latex gloves. Then they brought them up to their mouth and pushed past the mask for a moment to lick it all off. As they did so, the Doctor was positive she could see a very feminine chin. Thinking, the Doctor tried to rack her brain for anyone she knew with a chin like that. There was a faint memory, but it was too scattered that the Doctor didn’t know if it was real or if she’d made it up.

Shaking her head free of the incomplete memories, the Doctor focused on the person- the woman, she corrected herself- in front of her.

“Why are you doing this?” The Doctor demanded past the cloth, hoping the woman would understand her. She tried to get the point across with her eyes, just in case she didn’t.

“Sorry, what was that? Why am I doing this?” The woman repeated and the Doctor nodded. “Because you’re the Doctor. Destroyer of Worlds. The Oncoming Storm. And you deserve it.”

A tear dripped from her eyes and trailed down her cheek, and the Doctor turned away for a moment to wipe it away on her shoulder. Being naked in front of this woman was bad enough, but she wouldn’t allow the woman to see her cry.

“Now, where were we?” The woman asked herself. “Oh, yes,” she said a moment later and turned to the sonic that had suddenly sounded so quiet at the woman’s admission, but now sounded deafening. 

The sonic was passed back and forth between the woman’s hands then inserted into her mouth, silencing the noise for a brief moment. She slid the tool out of her mouth and past her mask slowly then brought it forward towards the Doctor. The sonic was trailed down her chest, further and further down until it stopped just above her clitoris. The Doctor could already feel the effect the vibrations were having on her and she clenched her thighs together as much as she could in defiance.

The woman in front of her chuckled lowly, the noise sounding weird with the oddly masculine voice the mask was giving her.  
The Doctor shook her head frantically and muffled her protests when the woman pressed the sonic harder against her, knowing what would happen next. The woman trailed the sonic down just a bit further pushing past her thighs and finally resting it against the Doctor’s clitoris. The Doctor cried out, unused to the sensation of whatever was happening. She’d just regenerated into a woman only a few months ago, she hadn’t done anything like this yet (and truthfully she didn’t plan on it, anyway, what with the recent death of her wife).  
Closing her eyes tightly and clenching her jaw, the Doctor pushed down any satisfied noises, not wanting to give the woman the pleasure of thinking she was enjoying any of what was happening. Tears gathered behind her lids and her shoulders shook with the effort of stifling her sobs.

“Please,” the Doctor begged behind the cloth, her voice hitching from the pleasure her body was receiving against her will, “please, stop.”

The noise her sonic was making stopped and it took a second for the Doctor to realise the vibrations had too. Slowly, she opened her eyes and watched carefully as the woman retracted the sonic from between the Doctor’s legs. The relief was immediate, but the Doctor was embarrassed and annoyed to still feel the throbbing.

After wiping the sonic on her robes, the woman aimed the sonic at the Doctor and pressed the button. This time, instead of the dreaded vibrating, the Doctor felt the ropes around her wrists loosen and fall down to the floor.

Confused, the Doctor slowly brought her arms in front of her and rubbed her sore wrists.

The woman placed the Doctor’s sonic back on the table like she had earlier and pushed her robes aside to grab something from her waist. She strapped a vortex manipulator onto her wrist and inputted what the Doctor gathered was some coordinates.

“Are you letting me go?” Asked the Doctor, having already removed the cloth from her mouth and thrown it on the floor. She’d pulled up her boxers and trousers, and untied her legs, but hadn’t stood up yet, hoping the throbbing would go away first.

There was silence for a moment before the woman answered.

“Yes,” she simply said.

Slowly, the Doctor stood so she could clip her braces back on. She kept a respectable distance between herself and the other woman, choosing to stand just slightly behind the chair than in front of it where she could be easily grabbed.

“Thank you,” she said to the woman, her gratitude easily evident in her voice and body language. 

“You’re welcome,” the woman replied, “and… I’m so sorry. Truly, I am.”

The Doctor was confused. She’d already been confused when the woman had suddenly chosen to free her, obviously, but now she was getting apologies.

“Why?”

The woman looked up at her.

“I mean, why did you do it?” The Doctor clarified.

“I already told you. You’re the Doctor, you deserve it,” the woman answered, her eyes focused on the manipulator.

“If you really believe that, why are you letting me go?”

There was no answer to that question and the Doctor quietly sighed. This was a difficult situation. She wanted to help this woman, despite what she’d done. She wasn’t even sure if the woman would accept help nor if she wanted it.

“Can I have your name, at least?” The Doctor requested hopefully.

The woman looked up at her silently for a moment, and the gentle movement of her shoulders gave away her sigh.

“Call me Gamma,” the woman said then went back to typing into her manipulator.

“Gamma,” the Doctor repeated, testing the name out on her tongue, “that’s a lovely name.”

“Thank you.”

Before the Doctor could say anymore, Gamma grabbed hold of her upper arm and pressed a button on the vortex manipulator. They disappeared from the room in a flash of white light that looked something akin to lightning.

The pair reappeared in a different room- well, corridor, really— which was lined in both sides with cells. All were empty as far as the Doctor could see, except one.

“Fam!” The Doctor exclaimed and rushed up to the occupied cell, relieved to see that they were unharmed. A bit tussled, perhaps, but otherwise fine.

Her friends threw themselves at the bars of the cell, looking as relieved as the Doctor felt.

“Doc,” Graham breathed with a smile.

“Doctor, you’re alright,” Yaz said.

“Of course I am, I’m always alright,” the Doctor replied with what she hoped was her own truthful smile. In all honesty, she didn’t feel alright. There was still a weird feeling between her thighs, now only intensified because of the cheap and nasty time travel, and her wrists were sore. 

“Fam, this is Gam-“ the Doctor turned around to introduce the woman who had thankfully freed her, only to see the empty hallway. There was no one there, Gamma clearly having disappeared when the Doctor had gone up to her friends.

“Who?” Graham asked.

Turning back, the Doctor frowned, “never mind.”

“Can you let us out?” Ryan asked, with his usual bluntness.

“Oh, right, of course!” The Doctor exclaimed, suddenly remembering they were still in the cell. 

She looked at the lock and pulled a face.

“I’ll need a key. Happen to know where they’re kept?” She inquired of her friends.

“Where’s your sonic?” Yaz questioned with a frown.

The Doctor closed her mouth and leaned back from the cell before putting a thoughtful expression on her face and patting down her pockets with less enthusiasm was normal for someone who had proudly and successfully made their own sonic screwdriver, and used it almost all the time.

Looking around when she didn’t feel the sonic in her pockets, she spotted it lying prone on the floor where she and Gamma had teleported. 

“Ah,” she said softly, and hesitantly picked it up.

She felt its weight in her hands and her frown returned. It felt… odd. Like it wasn’t really hers anymore. Its weight was too much and the way it sat in her hands was foreign. And that was saying something for someone who went to different worlds and time zones on a day-to-day basis and was quite adept at handling foreign things.

When she held the item in her hands, she could only think of how her favourite tool had been used against her, had been used to humiliate and hurt her.

“Doc?” Graham’s voice cut through her thought process and she turned around with curious eyes. “The door?” He reminded her slowly, apparently sensing her distress.

“Right, sorry,” the Doctor apologised, aiming the sonic at the cell door and pressing the button that unlocked it.

The door swung open slowly with a drawn out _creeak_ , and out stepped Team TARDIS. They each said their 'thank you’s’ to the Doctor, grateful for the rescue, even if it had taken a while.

Now free of their cell, Ryan spoke up.

“So, back to the TARDIS?” He requested.

“Back to the TARDIS,” the Doctor grinned, relieved at the thought of her home and friend.

With the sonic, the Doctor pressed a button and the TARDIS slowly shimmered and wheezed into existence.

“Wicked,” Ryan breathed, staring at the TARDIS with wide eyes.

“Since when could you do that?” Yaz asked, impressed.

“Since always, but only if she’s nearby. So, back to the TARDIS,” the Doctor said, eager to get inside and away from wherever they were. And perhaps do a bit of research later on Gamma.

Free of their confinements, the reunited Team TARDIS hurried inside the time-space ship and took off, ready for their next adventure.

After a relaxing nap, of course. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor takes the time to think over what happened with Gamma, and does a bit of research. Well, when the TARDIS decides to cooperate.

With her fam off to shower and take a nice, relaxing nap, the Doctor sank to the floor of the console room, leaning back against the console. The uneven surface dug painfully into her back but she couldn't find the effort to move. 

With one of her legs pulled up, she rested her arm on her knee and leant her head back against the control panel. 

A sigh escaped her and she rubbed the area between her eyebrows, feeling the start of a headache. It wasn't often she got headaches, but when she did, she preferred to simply sit in silence and think about the stars and the olden days on Gallifrey.

Bobbing her foot up and down on the floor, the Doctor absentmindedly looked around her console room. She really liked the new design for the TARDIS; it was modern with lovely, warm colours. It was her and she was sure the Old Girl knew that. Some of the rooms in the infinite ship hadn't been redecorated, but she hardly went in them so it wasn't a big difference.

Sighing, the Doctor stood up and turned to the console. She'd been trying to think of things to put off what she actually wanted to do, but it wasn't working so well. The thought of Gamma was sitting in the back of her mind, waiting for its turn at the forefront.

She didn't know this Gamma woman, who she was, what species she was, where she came from, but she knew there was something troubling the woman. And despite what Gamma had done to her, she had stopped in the end. Something told the Doctor she hadn't actually wanted to do it. Perhaps she did it on someone else's orders, maybe she had, had a change of heart. Either way, she hadn't wanted to do it in the end, which meant the Doctor wanted to help the other woman.

But first, she needed to do some research on her.

Pulling up the monitor, the Doctor typed in the name 'Gamma'. Simply that because that was all she had on the woman.

A few listing came up for the word 'Gamma' so the Doctor scrolled through with determination.

Eventually, she came to the end of the list with a frown. She hadn't found who she was looking for. There had been two hundred people listed by the name Gamma, but she'd clicked on their profiles and found they weren't what she was looking for. Half were male, a few had blue skin, and the others just weren't her Gamma. She knew it. The Gamma she was looking didn't have blue skin as far as the Doctor was aware.

Putting her head in her hands, the Doctor groaned and kicked the console. The entire search was frustrating her. She couldn't find Gamma, which meant either the woman had lied about her name or she was just very good at going unnoticed. If it was the first option, then there wasn't much she could do to find the woman. She would just have to wait and hope Gamma found her. If it was the second, then she would have to try a little harder to find the woman. If there was anyone who could do it, it was her.

_Beep, beep..._

The Doctor removed her hands from her face and looked at the monitor.

Instead of the list she had been going through, a factual page on the Gamma Forests had been pulled up. The Doctor frowned at the central column.

"What is it, Old Girl?" She asked her ship, skimming over the page. She already knew everything about the Forests, what could the TARDIS be trying to tell her?

_Beep, beep, beep_

"Is she from the Gamma Forests? Is that where she got the name from?" The Doctor questioned, grasping at straws.

A sort of negative sound escaped the TARDIS and the Doctor scratched her head thoughtfully.

"I don't get what you're trying to tell me, Old Girl," the Doctor admitted.

A picture of a flowing river replaced the information on the Gamma Forests and the Doctor’s frown deepened. 

"You're losing the plot in your old age, Sexy," the Doctor sighed and returned to sitting on the floor with her back to the console.

"Oh, ta very much," a voice spoke up from the entrance to the console room.

The Doctor scrambled up in surprise. 

"Oh, sorry, Graham, I wasn't talking to you," the Doctor laughed lightly, "was talking to the TARDIS."

"'Course," Graham smiled and joined her at the console. "What's this?" He asked, looking at the river on screen.

"Like I said, she's losing the plot in her old age," the Doctor stage whispered and got rid of the image. "Anyway, thought you lot had gone off to bed?"

"Couldn't sleep. I just kept thinkin' about today," Graham answered, sitting down where the Doctor had been sat. He took out a sandwich from his pocket and offered half to the Doctor who took it gratefully. She hadn't realised it, but she was getting quite hungry.

"What about today?" The Doctor asked.

"When we got thrown in that cell without you. We kept wondering where you'd gotten off to and if you'd be alright. Ryan and Yaz kept hope that you'd be fine, but I had my doubts," Graham admitted.

"I'm always alright," the Doctor told him with only mild offense.

"Are you?"

"'Course I am!"

"You don't look it," Graham told her, "you look like you ain't slept a wink in weeks, your wrists are burnt, and you just look... well, you look sad."

The Doctor fell silent, her sandwich forgotten in her hands. She wasn't sure what to say to that. It wasn't the first time someone had said that; that they look sad. She always tried her hardest to mask it, to hide her pain, but sometimes, sometimes it bled through. Either in her words, or on her face, but always in her eyes.

"Now, I ain't trying to pick on you, Doc," Graham said hurriedly, possibly sensing her distress, "I'm just worried about ya. We all are, I think, but I'm not sure the kids are quite sure what's wrong with you just yet."

"I'm trying to find something," the Doctor said, deciding to tell him half of what was bothering her, "well, someone."

"Who?"

"Remember earlier, before I freed you, I was going to introduce you to someone but they were already gone?"

"Sorta," Graham said.

"I was going to introduce you to a woman called Gamma," the Doctor told him as she got up. She placed her half eaten sandwich on the console and went back to the monitor. "I've tried looking for her name on the universal database, but I can't find her. Only two hundred other people with the name Gamma exist, but none of them are her."

"Maybe it ain't her real name," Graham suggested, getting up. 

"I thought that, but I need to find her," the Doctor stressed, "I need to help her."

"'Help her'? What's wrong with her? Is she in trouble?" Graham asked with worry.

One of the things the Doctor like about Graham, was his ability to care about other people despite barely knowing them. The Doctor had seen him care for and take in people he hardly knew, kicking into 'Granddad' mode every time. He'd even gone into Granddad mode with her several times, and each time the Doctor tried to remind him she was older than he was, despite how touched she was. He would have none of it, though. Once he had his kind set on something, you would have a hard time changing it.

"I don't know," the Doctor admitted, shaking her head when the TARDIS pulled up a picture of the Gamma Forests once again, "I just need to help her."

"Well, how do you know she needs help if you don't even know if she's in trouble?"

"I just do," the Doctor snapped, a hand going to her head in frustration.

She hadn't meant to snap, she just needed to find Gamma and help her. The fact that she was already having a difficult time finding the woman in the first place was frustratingly annoying.

"Sorry, Graham," the Doctor sighed.

"What happened, Doc?"

"What?" The Doctor frowned at Graham.

"When we was all captured and you got taken off with that person in robes and a mask," he clarified, "what happened?"

The Doctor found a useless button on the console to fiddle with, opting to avoid Graham's gaze.

"That person in the robes was Gamma," the Doctor explained, "it turned out she had a sort of vendetta against me. So, she... Did something to me. And it was horrible so I pleaded with her to stop, and she did. Straight away. She stopped what she was doing, let me go, and apologised."

Looking up, she noticed Graham looked as confused as the Doctor felt about the situation.

"I know. I was confused, too, but there was something in her voice, even through the mask changing it, that sounded regretful. Guilty, even. I mean, why did she suddenly just stop? She mustn't have wanted to hurt me in the first place," deduced the Doctor, "she needs my help, Graham."

"Now, hang on a minute, Doc," Graham said, holding his hands up almost placatingly. "This woman hurt you and you want to help her?"

"Well, yeah," the Doctor said, "when someone needs help, I never refuse."

She had quoted herself there and Graham knew it. He must have remembered what she said when they first met. His eyes turned sympathetic and the Doctor looked away. She didn't want his sympathy. 

"I just need to help her, Graham," the Doctor said quietly, watching the live video of a river in the Gamma Forests on the TARDIS monitor.

"I'm not sure I quite understand why you'd want to help her, Doc, but I'm here if you need me. Not sure I'll be of too much use, but-"

"Thank you, Graham," the Doctor said, frowning at the video.

Perhaps the TARDIS wasn't losing her mind. Maybe she was onto something, the Doctor thought. Something impossible, maybe, but something nonetheless. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was at least two months before the Doctor came across Gamma once more. Over the two months, she and Graham had been searching for the woman anywhere and everywhere. In the TARDIS library, on the TARDIS' database, the Doctor had even gone to as shady a place she could find and had asked around about Gamma. Still, nothing.

The Doctor had been starting to lose hope about helping Gamma, starting to give up. That's when Gamma showed up. 

The fam had been visiting one of the most popular museums and the Doctor had been pointing out what was hers and what was wrong, when a voice had travelled past the the many people in the museum and met the Doctor’s ears.

She paused next to a glass case with an odd looking object in it, listening for the voice again. Her friends stopped beside her, giving her a questioning glance.

" _Doctor_ ," the voice whispered, causing goosebumps to ride up the Doctor's arms.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" Yaz, ever kind Yaz, questioned, placing a hand upon the Doctor’s arm.

The Doctor pulled away from the contact, flashing an apologetic smile. 

"I just realised, I left the psychic paper in the TARDIS. Think I see security coming round, give us a mo'?" She lied, wringing her hands. "I'll be two secs, I promise."

"Don't you want someone to come with you?" Ryan offered.

"Nah, should be fine. Don't worry, I'll be back before you can say Cyberman," the Doctor grinned and hurried away to the sound of Graham asking what a Cyberman was.

* * *

The Doctor pushed past groups of people in her search, earning herself glares from most of them. Not that it bothered her. 

Eventually she came to a room that was mostly empty, save for one or two people admiring an art piece in the corner of the room.

The room was a little chilly so the Doctor put her hands deep in her pockets.

" _Doctor_ ," the voice said again, this time a lot closer and the Doctor was forced to turn around and be sure whoever it was wasn't behind her. 

The space behind her was as empty as the room had suddenly become, and the Doctor slightly wished the two random strangers admiring art hadn't left. 

"Who's there?" The Doctor called to the empty room, pulling her sonic out from her pocket. She scanned the room and peered at the results. Hundreds of lifeforms in the museum itself and two in the room she was currently in. 

"I know you're there," she informed the other person in the room, putting her sonic away, but still keeping it in her hand. 

To her right, a dark figure stepped out from behind a wax figure, brushing some of the fake grass on the floor with their long robes. 

The Doctor breathed in a sharp breath of both relief and wariness. She stood her ground, waiting for Gamma to approach her first. 

"There are few places in the universe the Doctor is certain to show up in sooner or later. A museum is one of them," Gamma said through her mask. This time it was different. Instead of being white, it was pure matte black and the Doctor found herself being slightly disappointed that she could barely see Gamma, so hidden away in the shadows was she, even in her large robes. 

The words Gamma had spoken were familiar to the Doctor, though different at the same time, but she couldn't quite place them in her memory. 

"And how would you know that?" The Doctor asked, with only slight jest. 

"You're a time traveller, any chance to prove your genius presented to you is a chance you'll take," Gamma said, her raspy voice echoing throughout the room. 

"You've got me," the Doctor grinned, spreading her hands still in her pocket slightly. 

All of a sudden, the Doctor was forcefully pushed against the wall, one of Gamma's gloved hands grabbing her throat in a threatening way. Her other arm was placed across the Doctor's chest, pinning her in place. Their faces were mere inches away from each other and the Doctor could just make out some light reflecting in Gamma's eyes past the hood and her mask. From what she could see, they looked to be a lovely shade of familiar, swamp green, protected by long, luscious lashes. 

That was Gamma all over, though, the Doctor concluded. Familiar in every way, from her mannerisms to the words she so carefully chose with each sentence. If the Doctor could just figure out why she was so familiar, perhaps she would be closer to solving the mystery that was the woman. 

"You're right, Doctor, I've got you," Gamma said, her breath brushing the Doctor's lips, even past the mask. 

One gloved fingertip reached up and brushed some of the Doctor's blonde hair away from her eyes as she remained quiet in anticipation for what Gamma would do next. 

Pushing her mask aside slightly, Gamma leant forward slightly, and brushed her lips against the Doctor's own. With her eyes open, the Doctor took in the sensation of Gamma's lips on her own, pressing against hers like she was her lifeline. 

The Doctor’s eyes widened even further no more than a minute later and she tore Gamma's hand away from her throat and pushed the woman away from her. 

"Stop, you can't keep doing things like that to me," she told Gamma and wiped her lips with the sleeve of her coat. 

"Why not?" Gamma demanded, re-pinning the Doctor to the wall. The Doctor grunted with the force of it.

"You need help, Gamma," the Doctor said instead of answering her question, "I want to help you. Let me help you."

"I don't need help, Doctor," Gamma ground out, "I don't know what gave you that idea, but you are sorely mistaken." 

"I know I'm not mistaken," the Doctor stood her ground, "you may not know it, you may not have realised it, Gamma, but you do need help." 

"I don't need help," Gamma reiterated, "and if I did, I certainly wouldn't want it from you." 

Her hand against the Doctor’s throat trailed down to rest against her chest and feel the double thudding of her hearts. Her hand trailed further down and came to rest on the Doctor's breast. 

"Stop it," the Doctor ordered with a crease between her brows as she reached up and grabbed Gamma's wrist, pulling her hand away. 

Her wrist was roughly snatched away without a word and her hand went back to fondling the Doctor’s breast.

"Gamma, I'm warning you," the Doctor said quietly, once again removing Gamma's hand from her chest. "Just let me help you." 

"I told you, Doctor, I don't need help. The only one here who needs help, will be you when I'm finished with you," Gamma retorted and changed her tactic. 

Too quick for even the Doctor to comprehend, Gamma took hold of the Doctor pinned her to the floor on her back. The Doctor was momentarily winded and blinked against the sudden ache in her back from hitting the floor. 

"Okay, that hurt," she admitted, taking in a deep breath.

"Good," Gamma murmured. She leant down, and to the Doctor's surprise, took in a deep breath. "You smell like the cosmos. Like star dust and the moon itself."

"Uh, okay," the Doctor muttered, looking around.

"I've always liked your scent, it never changes."

"We've only met once before," the Doctor pointed out.

"Mm, so we have," Gamma realised.

Her hand tugged at the hem of the Doctor's shirt, untucking it from the waistband of her trousers. The Doctor grabbed her wrist and pulled it away.

"Stop it," she simply said, "we're not doing this again. I'm trying to help you."

"And I've already told you, Doctor, I don't need your help," Gamma hissed with annoyance and pushed her further into the cold floor. 

"Yes, you do," the Doctor retorted, pushing back.

Gamma forcefully took hold of the Doctor's wrists and pinned them either side of her head to which the Doctor merely glared and frowned disapprovingly at her. 

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Someone demanded and both the Doctor and Gamma turned their heads quickly to see who was speaking.

It turned out to be Yaz, with both Graham and Ryan backing her up, looking fearfully at the scene before them.

"Yaz," the Doctor said, "fam, it's not-"

"And I think that's my cue," Gamma interrupted her as she finally got off the Doctor, giving her room to get up. "See you around, sweetie."

"'Sweetie'?" The Doctor repeated, mortified.

It couldn't be. Could it? It was practically impossible, but it made sense.

Before the Doctor could address what she'd just said, Gamma, or rather Not-Gamma disappeared in a flash of light. The Doctor reached a hand out too late, hoping in someway she'd be able to grab her and pull her back to her, but she was gone. And the Doctor didn't know when she'd see her again.

When she was gone, silence fell upon the spacious room. The Doctor let her hand fall back to her side and she could hear her friends cautiously approaching.

Unjustified annoyance welled up in her and she lifted her head to look at her friends. 

"Why did you do that?" She snapped, causing startled looks to replace their concerned expressions. "I had it under control and now she's gone."

"She had you on the floor," Ryan pointed out in disbelief.

"I'm well aware, Ryan," the Doctor said levelly, then she sighed. "Sorry. I don't mean to snap, I just... I don't know. It's complicated, I suppose. I think we should head back to the TARDIS."

"That sounds like a good idea, Doc," Graham said with mild understanding. The Doctor made a point of avoiding his eyes and the suspicion in them.

Nodding, the Doctor led the way through the museum and back to the TARDIS. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor takes a few moments to herself before finding her friends and heading off on their next adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-warning for smut at the beginning. If yiu don't want to read that part, just skip to the next scene. You won't miss much by skipping it.

Tossing her coat on the floor, the Doctor flicked a lever and pressed a few buttons. She could feel her friends lingering nearby and sighed. She knew it wasn't their fault that they'd made Gamma leave, but she couldn't help but blame them. If they hadn't blundered in, she might've been able to help Gamma.

She glanced towards her friends who were stood on the other side of the console, conversing between themselves and decided to leave them to it. Leaving her coat on the floor, she exited the console room.

"Doc?" Graham called, but she forced herself to ignore him and keep walking.

She walked and walked until she was deep into the TARDIS and as far away from the console room as could get. A single door was at the end of the honey-coloured corridor so she headed towards it and entered.

The room turned out to be her own, with its TARDIS blue walls and king sized bed covered in countless cushions. Sighing, she shut the door, climbed on top of the bed, and lay down with her arms spread out. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but it felt almost gold to just simply ligh down and get comfortable. She couldn't think of a single time since regenerating that she'd allowed herself to really relax.

She tossed a few of the cushions onto the floor and moved a bit further up the bed so her feet weren't dangling off the edge.

As she lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling above that resembled open space, her mind once again drifted back to Gamma. Or, who Gamma really was. She didn't want to believe it, but the facts were all there, pointing towards something almost completely impossible. But if it was who she really thought it was, then how? And why? Why was she trying so desperately to hurt the Doctor when the latter only wanted to help her?

A huff escaped the Doctor and she dragged her own hands down her face. One hand remained there, though, as she thought back to the first time she'd met 'Gamma'. The way she'd moved her mask aside to suck her fingers after playing with the Doctor. The latter's fingers trailed over her bottom lip as she blinked up at the stars above.

Her mind then drifted to their last meeting, only just an hour ago. The way Gamma had grabbed her breasts and kissed her. Mimicking Gamma, her left hand trailed down away from her lips and cupped her own breast. It wasn't the same as when Gamma had done it and it didn't elicit the same reaction she'd had when the woman had grabbed it, but it was something, she supposed. And she reasoned with herself that it wasn't even wrong to be feeling like this about a woman she barely knew because, in reality, she did know the woman. In fact, she probably knew her better than anyone else in the universe. She was her wife, after all.

Her mind flooded with images of the woman wearing a robe (River, she reminded herself) and her hand slipped lower and lower, just like River's had when she'd first met her as Gamma. She unclasped her suspenders and tossed them to the side. Her hearts pounded as she kicked off her boots and socks then unbuttoned her blue trousers and pushed them off to where they fell in a pile at the foot of the bed, leaving her lying on the bed in just her shirts and underwear.

Next, she pushed her underwear down and let them rest at her ankles as she spread her legs and closed her eyes. As her hand moved down, she tried to imagine River or Gamma touching her instead of her own hands. It almost worked until she got down there ans startled herself. Her eyes flew open and she looked down, seeing her own hand on her clit. It was her first time touching herself in her new, female body. Before Gamma, not even she had been down there. She wasn't completely sure of what to do, but, despite startling herself, she knew that her simple touch had felt good. She could just copy what Gamma had done, she reasoned with herself a moment later.

Leaning her head back onto the cushions again, she closed her eyes and touched herself again. It felt shaky and unsure, but she repeated exactly what Gamma had done before using her sonic and decided it wasn't so bad. Her back arched and she bit back a moan, almost afraid that someone would hear her, despite being deep within the TARDIS. She felt her nipples harden and she pushed past her shirts and bra to cup one of her breasts. It felt like instinct, like she'd known all along what to do though she'd never been a woman before. She wasn't complaining, though.

Somewhere along the line, her fingers had started to speed up by themselves and she'd begun digging her feet into the bed as she squeezed her own breast. A series of moans escaped her lips as she imagined, not her own hands, but River's. She'd had sex with River before, but she'd been a man then. Her wife had even given her blowjobs before, mostly when they were in the mood but didn't have much time. She could remember the way River's hands had looked wrapped around his length, or fondling his balls.

Something snapped within her and her eyes squeezed tighter, her back arching even further as she pressed hard against her clit. She was cut off mid-moan as she came for the first time. It felt amazing. Like something had been building inside her since she began, but now it had all been released.

As soon as she came down from her high, she breathed out heavily and let herself fall back down to the bed with a huff. She removed her hand from her breast and flung her arm over her eyes with a groan.

She took a few moments to gather her bearings, but once she had, she pulled her underwear up, got off the bed and entered her bathroom to go take a shower.

* * *

 

The Doctor was in the shower for at least forty-five minutes before she finally got out. She had spent most of her time simply letting the warm water wash over her as she tried to clear her mind of all thoughts concerning Gamma/ River. By the time she got out, she was still thinking of the woman.

After getting dressed and letting her hair dry, she decided she might as well find her fam and apologise for snapping at them and wandering off without a word. She hadn't meant to do it, but she had found herself so absorbed in finding and helping Gamma, that she hadn't stopped to think about how her friends might be feeling. She hoped Graham might understand, at least. After all, she had told him half of what was happening and he had tried his best to help her find Gamma.

She left her room and started walking down a corridor at random, knowing the TARDIS would lead her in the right direction. She wasn't completely sure where her friends were, but she knew they'd either be in the kitchen, the library, or still in the console room.

It came as no surprise, then, when she eventually found herself lingering outside the kitchen. She could hear her friends chatting inside and even the clinking of plates.

She was about to enter when something Ryan said stopped her.

"-Acting weird," he said. She only caught the tail end of what he was talking about but she paused outside the door and leant against the wall.

"She has a bit, yeah," Yaz agreed and the Doctor tilted her head slightly in confusion. They weren't talking about her, were they? She hadn't been acting weird. She didn't think so anyway.

"She's probably just got a lot on her mind," Graham said, "you know what she's like."

"Yeah, but she did have a go at us," Yaz said and the Doctor knew they were talking about her, "we were just tryna help."

"Like I said, she's probably just got a lot on her mind," Graham repeated, "the Doc is a good person."

Shaking her head, the Doctor decided to make her presence known.

"Hey, fam!" She exclaimed as she entered the kitchen. Her friends looked up, almost surprised.

"Oh, hey, Doctor," Ryan said. He had a sandwich in his hand which had probably been made by Graham.

"Hey," Yaz smiled.

"How're you feelin', Doc?" Graham asked without the pleasantries.

"Just peachy, thanks, Graham," the Doctor answered. She took a seat next to him and stole the other half of his sandwich, earning an eye roll in return.

"That's good," Graham nodded.

"So, where we goin' next?" Ryan asked with excitement.

She shrugged, "wherever the Old Girl takes us, I suppose."

"Any idea where that might be?" Yaz tried.

"Nope!" The Doctor smiled. She looked at the sandwich in her hand. "Not sure this mouth likes peanut butter."

"How can you not like peanut butter?" Ryan's eyes widened.

"I used to like it!" The Doctor defended herself. "But I've changed a lot since then."

She tried the sandwich again and made a face, passing it back to Graham.

"Nope, don't like it," she decided.

"Ta," Graham said, placing the sandwich down with a frown.

"So, are we ready for our next adventure?" She asked as she hopped up from her seat with an excitable expression.

Yaz and Ryan grinned with her whilst Graham looked forlornly at his sandwich and shook his head.

"Suppose so," he said then got up.

"Great, let's go then, fam!"

* * *

 


End file.
